Jazzys ego-trip request

I wish i was.......

....Yoda

Today I’ve mostly been……

Yoda

And have spent the day….

……..Very uncomfortable with Jim Henson’s hand up my arse & looking like Kermit’s ugly, older brothers’ testacles

The day started peacefully enough though

Until some hillbilly, farm boy, hick(#1) shattered it. By crashing, what can only be described as, a flying penis into my swamp!

I spent the rest of the morning watching him. Until, possibly due to pity or (more likely) due to getting annoyed at him and his chirpy blue dustbin cluttering up my swamp, I decided to give this frustrated farm boy what he wanted and get him to leave..

Dinner was amusing, as in the time-honoured tradition of all tribesman(#2), I served him local delicacies that I chose not to eat. He then told me his deviant desire to stick his glowing rod into some rubber gimp-suited stranger?!

Most of the afternoon was wasted teaching farm boy to sit cross-legged, humming(#3). Then I amused myself by getting him to do handstand and play with my rocks, before he attempted to retrieve his phallic ship.. Unsurprisingly… He failed to get it up(#4)

Evening saw my incestuous guest eager to leave. So, with a constipated look(#5) I held out my hand and retrieved his flaccid ship. Luckily, He quickly left and I went back to my imaginary friend.

Jim Henson then removed his arm and boomed the revelation…

"Yoda, I’m not your father(#6)"


NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!


#1) Hhhhhmmmm! Fancies sister, he does!
#2) Tribesman rule no1: always-feed strangers, the most disgusting creatures you can find.. Preferably just the bits no one else will eat
#3) Hhhhhmmmmm Yoga, I thought said! … wellll.. What did you expect! Hhhhmmmm 900 yrs old, I am!
#4) Hhhhhmmmmmmm source of his troubles, impotency is!
#5) Hmmmmmmmmmm hand up your butt, constipated, you’d look!!
#6) I only had a hand in!! hahahaha

Special thanks to Jazzy for his suggestion